Unrealistic Expectations in Life and Relationships.

How often do we move through life burdened by unrealistic expectations? We set our sights on things unfolding in a particular way, only to feel disappointed when reality doesn’t align with our desires.

I know this struggle well. Unrealistic expectations leave me frustrated—sometimes even angry. More often than not, these expectations center around friendships and connections with others.

Friendship is one of the greatest joys in life, yet it can also be one of the most challenging aspects of our journey. And I’ve come to believe that unrealistic expectations are more prevalent in friendships than in almost any other area of life.

My ideal of friendship is one of openness, where both people share equally in love and support. A bond where burdens are carried together, where flaws are seen but pale in comparison to the goodness that shines through.

In my ideal friendship, both individuals make sacrifices and are committed to doing whatever it takes to nurture the connection—whether through making time, traveling to see one another, offering words of affirmation, or even providing loving and constructive criticism when needed.

True friendship is built on mutual effort, a shared desire to lift one another up. It means recognizing when the other needs encouragement, a kind word, or even just a simple moment of presence. It’s finding joy in each other’s successes, free from jealousy or comparison.

Yet, time and again, I’ve experienced what I’m sure many others have felt: the realization that one person seems far more invested in the friendship than the other. Too often, it feels like one individual is making all the effort while the other remains indifferent, offering little in return.

This leads me to wonder—why do we continue striving to build relationships that seem one-sided? If a person has no real intention of reciprocating, wouldn’t it be better for them to simply say, “Please don’t put any effort into this—I’m not in the same place”? Honesty should apply not only to friendships but also to the absence of them. It is unfair to leave someone hanging on to the hope of something that will never be.

So, how do we deal with unrealistic expectations? How do we continue forward when time and time again, our hopes for others seem to go unmet?

For me, I’ve learned to accept that not everyone is in the same place on their journey. Most people, like myself, have walls built from past hurts and fears of connection. Many are still learning how to trust, how to step into deeper relationships without hesitation.

I remind myself constantly that friendships take time and effort to grow. While some connections flourish effortlessly from the beginning, most require patience and intentional care. And I’ve come to appreciate those rare, instant friendships as the blessings they truly are, rather than expecting every connection to unfold the same way.

Expectations in themselves aren’t bad, but I must remember that others carry their own expectations, many of which may be just as unrealistic as mine.

Yes, friendships and connections are often tangled with unrealistic expectations. But life itself is full of them. Learning to acknowledge, navigate, and even embrace them is part of the journey. Openness and honest communication about what we expect from others—and what they expect from us—can help strengthen the relationships we seek.

Perhaps if we express our expectations clearly, we might find that some friendships are worth fighting for after all.

I don’t have all the answers. But I do know this: unrealistic expectations aren’t inherently wrong. They can propel us forward if we refuse to let them weigh us down. They challenge us to grow. And as we focus on expecting more from ourselves rather than from others, we might just find that we receive exactly what we need.

Chef Brad