So as it happens every year I choose a word. Last year my word was grace. I try to learn all about that word and how it applies to me personally and how I can use it in my ministry. Grace was amazing. I love that word and have grown to appreciate the grace Christ offers each of us. I try to do the same with those around me.
This year I choose a winner. One that has challenged me like non other. Be care what you choose, because God will help you understand and it can be a painful process.
My word for me this year has been surrender. Wow, I am not good at surrendering anything and why I choose that word I sometimes wonder, but I have had to even surrender that. I have struggled with that word for most of this year, in fact I hate to admit it, but I have struggled with that word most of my life. Struggling with the actually surrendering my wants and desires to what the Lord would have me do. It has been a Really hard year, with corona, work, marriage, friendships, self-esteem, etc. I have been experiencing and trying to learn. But truth be know I had not made a lot of progress over the years in surrendering much.
I get surrendering is giving over. Letting go, giving up control. I have struggled with feeling like I was just giving up as I would surrender what was going on around me. I felt like I was taking the cowards way out and just running away from my problems. In my mind surrendering was weak and was losing control.
Recently a good friend and I were discussing my word for the year. I had shared it with him my choosing this word at the first of the year. I was feeling discouraged and broken. Remember I said that God will teach us. One day as we were talking this friend called me out and really made me think about why my surrendering was so hard to do. There was a process that I was avoiding and not willing to look at.
Surrendering is not giving up control. It is actually gaining control and giving us the power to move forward with courage. Actually handing over our struggles and fears opens up the way for growth and added faith.
God wants us to surrender to him. He desires that we allow him control, not taking away our agency, but actually increasing ours. He will never take away our agency. As we surrender our fears, weaknesses, doubts, frustrations, etc, we actually see things different. When we give up our fear about his judgements and actually acknowledge that we need him great things start to happen in our lives. We actually start to see and understand his grace for us. His desires for us to move forward and our agency allows him to help us. I have learned as a loving Father, he is always there, but will never intrude unless we seek him. He has to allow us that choice.
What my good friend pointed out to me is that perhaps the reason I was not having success with surrendering was because I didn't really trust the person I was surrendering to.
Next Part 2 Trust